Have you won any friends or influenced anyone this year? I bet no. Remember when you were a young kid and would make friends with anyone regardless of who they are?
That is the very same mechanism you should use now to win friends and influence people.
But how do you make friends as an adult? How do you make people like you?. This is outright impossible mostly because we are at times judgemental and impatient wit others without a second thought.
For instance, following Dale Carnegie’s book ” How To Win Friends And Influence People “.The book gives classic principles and fundamentals that are still applicable from generation to generations.
The principles serve as building blocks of social intelligence, and how practising excellent social skills can improve your life.
Below is a list of few outlined principles on how to win friends and influence people.
How to win friends and influence people
Don’t criticise, complain or condemn
The best way to win friends and influence them is through understanding who they are, learning and appreciating what they do without criticising them.
Let’s take it this way, you enter into a lecture hall late and when the lecturer asks where you are from you near back. Many of the options are, he will chase you out of his class, you won’t learn a thing, or you might get expelled.
It applies the same when trying to win friends. You have to impress them, care about them and what they do for them to care about you too.
2. Be generous with praise
Praise is the foundation fo all relationships. Carnegie in his book also narrates that, he never found someone significant in their profession or areas of specialisation that did not do better work and put forth more considerable effort under a spirit of approval than they would ever do under a sense of criticism.
Praise is like a stimulant. People work hard every day they spent sleepless nights on their work, but when you praise them, it feels different. This wins you better friends than criticising them.
3. Remember their name
This sounds like something less critical. Plus why would you need someone’s name for? well, in making friends, knowing their names matters a lot.
For instance, from a customers perspective. As a customer, when I walk into a store and the cashier or any attendant remembers or mentions my name. That’s enough to show they care and value you.
As a customer, that would be enough reason to go there and there forever. Making a better first impression will not only influence people but win more friends towards you.
Carnegie adds that Remembering a person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language that person can hear.
4. Be genuinely interested in other people
Remembering a person’s name, asking them questions that encourage them to talk about themselves, so you discover their interests and passions are what make people believe you like them.
Once they trust in you, they will let you know more about them. That is how friendship is created.
Carnegie writes, “You make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” If you break it down, you should listen 75% and only speak 25% of the time.
5.Know the value of charm
Find out about one thing people don’t talk about. Focus on things you know that affect them, find your appeal by finding solutions towards their problems. They will yearn to hear from you every time. That is already a whole set of friends.
Once you sound beneficial people will like you. People will typically pick someone they enjoy being around over a candidate they don’t enjoy being around as much but is more talented.
Become someone people want to talk to, be genuinely interested in other people.
6. Acknowledge your mistakes
Nothing will make people less defensive and more agreeable than you being humble and reasonable enough to admit your own mistakes.
Having healthy and stable personal and professional relationships relies on you taking responsibility for your actions, especially your mistakes. Accepting your mistakes also eases the tension.
When you have a soft heart, you win friends easily, and they know you will take apologies when they make mistakes than fight them back.
7. Don’t attempt to win an argument
According to Carnegie, the best way to win a case is by avoiding it.
When an argument ensues, don’t act smart or give additional facts. It is best to say iron sharpens iron, but this doesn’t apply in a case. Let others win even if they are wrong.
8. Begin on a common ground
If you disagree with someone, you start on common ground and ease your way into the difficult subjects.
This is because, If you begin on the polarising ground, you’ll never be able to recover, and may lose ground with subjects on which you agree.
9. Have others believe your conclusion is their own
Remember, people, especially adults, can not be forced to accept anything. Only persuasive people understand the power of suggestion over demand.
Learn to plant the seed, and instead of telling people they’re wrong, find common ground and persuade them that what they want is your desired outcome.
10. Make People Feel Important
Smiling, knowing people’s names, praising people, making an effort to understand their interests and chat about them make people feel important.
That is the underlying point of all of the above principles. If you make people feel important, how you walk through the world will be an exponentially, more pleasant and incredible experience.
How to win friends & influence people conclusion
The best way to win friends is by understanding the logic of dealing with people. When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic.
Humans are creatures of emotion, bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. This means, when dealing with people, handle them the way you would want them to treat you when you need them.
Recognise how people view themselves and avoid criticising them. Aim to put yourself in the other person’s shoes before placing judgement.