How to become a successful Blogger in Kenya

Are you an unsuccessful Kenyan blogger? Have you been blogging for several months or years and you hardly get more than a couple hundred views per month? Then this post on how to become a successful Blogger in Kenya is for you.

Today, by revealing the heavily-guarded secrets every successful top Kenyan blogger wishes you didn’t know, I will show you how you have been doing it all wrong in the past.

How to Become a Successful Blogger in Kenya

Enlist the “Majestic Four”

There are only four keys on the keyboard that every successful Kenyan blogger needs to know how to use well; vis a vis Ctrl (or Cmd if you’re “privileged” to own a MacBook), A, C & V – The Majestic Four (Aka – Ctrl + A, Copy & Paste). These guys are a successful Kenyan blogger’s best friend, master them in your heart.

So the next time that a top media house posts some breaking news on their website, or some blogger on the other side of the Indian Ocean put up fresh celeb gossip like the one of Githeri man, visit them, summon the majestic four and nicely repost the same content on your blog, error for error, word for word, and comma, for comma.

It is essential that you do not give any credit to the original content owner. Don’t worry, nobody will notice. What matters is that you attract all the targeted traffic.

First means Fast

If you’re lucky to lay hold of the gossip or news first, don’t bother to confirm if it’s true or not, post it instantly. It’s Better to be the first to post fake news than the last to post authentic news. And if turns out later that the news is false, feel free to delete the post Tibim!

As rule of thumb, a successful Kenyan blogger shouldn’t owe an explanation to any of his/her followers. Follow this simple rule, and you’ll see your audience grow and you at the top in no time.

Spread your Antennae

If you don’t have a following of at least 5,000 on Twitter, then you’re not serious. You better start collecting followers today Keeping in mind that nobody likes long stories; a simple “nyeff nyeff” is enough. Never mind if your followers have ever conversed on Twitter or tried to know each other, everybody on KOT understands the hustle.

If you are operating on a budget, you can also choose to employ and deploy an Inner Crew of Twitter Followers to Retweet your articles as aggressively as possible. If the inner crew effort is not forthcoming, do the aggressive, Retweet them yourself. If all of the above fails, recruit the ever dependable “trendsetters”. They will never fail you. They will only charge you a  small fee.

Content is King

Nobody wants to know your thoughts or ideas on how technology companies should tackle unemployment — It ain’t nobody business and time for that. Feed your subscribers with the more exciting small posts like which Kenyan celeb just got a tint, how many V8s’ Akothee owns or photos of the new necklace Bridget of Nairobi Diaries bought in Dubai in the last season. Don’t forget that they don’t want long boring stories. Keep your stories short and wanting.

Speaking of photos, how you tag these photographs is very essential. It doesn’t matter if the celebrity posed for the photo, photoshopped or if you got it from Google Images, just make sure you tag the post “SEEN” (Oh, yeah! in full caps). This is the unwritten code in the Kenyan blogger market. Don’t say you didn’t get the point.

If you don’t have ads running on your site, start by creating space for them in anticipation. The ads space on your blog should be at least not less than 50% of the entire blog page. i.e 25% from the far left and 25% on the far right. That’s right, nobody gives a damn about your content. Your avid readers love nothing more than throwing few side glances at your conspicuous ads, for every sentence that they read. More ads space also attracts more ad interests. Your money will start trickling in soon, trust me.

Your readers love nothing more than to throw side glances at your engaging ads, for every line of actual blog content they read. The more the ad space the more the ad interests. Trust me, money will start flowing into your account sooner than you thought.

Guest Blogging

You cannot be a successful Kenyan blogger until you feature at least as a guest writer every other month. You are welcomed to try here on urbankenyans.com Make sure that this guest blogger’s style and ideas resemble that of your own blog.

And finally-finally…oh, my goodness… Jehovah Wanyonyi! Have I kept you here this long? Well, I’m impressed you came this far. I’m done sharing. What are you waiting for? Go forth and make ye followers of all strangers. Good luck in your pursuit of breaking into the Kenyan blogger’s industry.

Attention: This article is meant to mock those who wait for Coconuts to fall on their lap and should not be taken seriously!

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